Buried-in-Characters: Interview with Joie Shore

{An example of a fictional character interview}

Interview with Joie A. Shore

Date: February 23, 2018

Interviewer: We’re back, and today we’re going to be interviewing Miss Joie Shore, who’s lovely, just —pauses— lovely personality is being used at the moment in a novella. I’m Jonathan Moer, here today with the TYU News Cast, and buried-in-books writers.

Joie: No one asked me if they could use me in their book. —unintelligible muttering—

Interviewer: Welcome to the show, Ms. Shore. I’d be pleased if you would stay on track, and comment only when I point the magic ruler in your direction. Do you think you could do that?

Joie: Maybe. Let’s get this over with, shall we?

Interviewer: Allright, then. Let’s start with the basics. Would you mind telling our viewers how old you are, Ms. Shore?

Joie: I prefer Joie, and I’m thirteen and a half years old.

Interviewer: Okay, Joie. You mentioned earlier that your permission wasn’t asked by the author to base a character in a book off of you. Can you expand on that?

Joie: Certainly. —camera zoomes in— I don’t appreciate certain people talking to me, asking questions, and then basing part of their —unintelligible— books off of my life. I spilled my guts to a friend, and she picked up the splattered pieces and wrote about it.

Interviewer: That seems understandable. So, if you could describe yourself in one word, what would that word be?

Joie: Special. Is this —unintelligible— interview almost over?

Interviewer: Do you care for the other characters in the novella? Angel, Riley, Wren, etcetera?

Joie: Why is everything that comes out of your —unintelligible— mouth about that book?

—silence for approximately one minute—

Joie: —loud and obnoxious sigh— I don’t like any of them. Especially Riley. I don’t like how I’m being portrayed either, like I’m some sort of weirdo.

Interviewer: What is based off of your own life, and what is fiction?

Joie: It’s true that my mother and little brother were killed early in my life. My brother was killed by my father though, not in a car crash. I did paint my ceiling black, apparently the author found that interesting though I have no idea why.

Interviewer: I’m sorry, that must have been pretty difficult. And you’ve got to admit, it’s not every day that someone paints their ceiling black. —laughs—

Joie: —glares—

Interviewer: What do you like to do as a hobby or for fun?

Joie: Read, my favorite book is We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson. —grins— Have you ever read it?

Interviewer: Not yet. I probably will, sometime, though. I also enjoy reading. What’s it about?

Joie: —laughs— Me! Gosh, Mary Katherine {note: main character in aforementioned novel} is such a role model for everyone in the world. —rare show of excitement— I’m going to read it again soon…—appears to be swooning— I miss hearing Uncle Julian going over his papers and Constance planning the meals for the day..

{Sidenote: Julian and Constance are both characters in the other novel}

Interviewer: Getting into some deeper thoughts, is it true that you’ve had to see a counselor and been admitted to a psychiatric hospital several times?

Joie: You’re such a —unintelligible— stalker.

Interviewer: Look, Joie, I’m going to be blunt. I’m sure you won’t mind, since you seem pretty..blunt yourself. You’re a diagnosed sociopath, aren’t you?

Joie: No comment.

Interviewer: Do you think the author has brought out that aspect of your personality in the novella?

Joie: I don’t appreciate you probing into my psychological history. —mumbles something unintelligible—

Interviewer: What’s that? Please refrain from mumbling, everyone is here today because they want to hear your opinion.

Joie: I’m done with you, and the rest of the nosy world. —whispers into microphone— I never asked to be put in a novel, all I want is to live alone and in peace. Yes, my family was dysfunctional and I have a written record of everything they ever did to me and my siblings. You want to learn about me and every other tragedy that happened in history? Go to a museum. Yeah, that’s right, go to a museum where they exploit every single tragedy and put dead people on display! You think you’re so special with your little perfect families in perfect houses on perfect streets learning about us tragedies and watching us more messed up people suffer, while you sit on your couches eating perfect little cakes on china plates!

Interviewer: I think our times up for—

Joie: —throws a pen at Interviewer and jumps on the table— You little —unintelligible—! You and your perfect little newscast,

—hits Interviewer with microphone—

—film camera falls over; screen goes black—

Joie: —screams— I’M GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE! AND YOUR FAMILY! DON’T YOU DARE PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME, I’LL GET A LAWYER! YOU’LL ALL BE SUED! YOU BIG CADAVER! LET GO OF ME, YOU PUBLIC HARASSERS! PUBLISHING MY NAME IN THAT—

—unintelligible noise—

—cuts to commercial—