Short Stories—Stressed Out

You wake up to the sound of birds chirping high above in the trees. The fluttering of wings is barely audible, but you imagine the flock rising higher in the sky while calling out to each other. Orange, red, blue, and yellow paradise birds soaring in a triangle formation above your head.

  “Indiana!” your mom calls, her voice ringing out above the noise of the imaginary birds.

“I’m coming,” you mumble, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and quietly climbing out from under the heavy blankets and onto the cold floor. Wandering over to the bench where your clothes are set out, ready for you to put on before school, your feet tingle from the chilliness of the wooden floor.

   “Indiana Shiloh!” your mom yells up the stairs, her words cutting through the air. You pull your clothes on, shorts and a T-shirt. Your stomach feels like a hundred butterflies are beating their wings against it, warning you today is the first day of school. Your brain flashes a dozen images and voices at once, a blur of all the scenarios that could happen today. You watch each of the situations, one by one, along with the aura of their mean laughter.

You open the door to your bedroom, the cold doorknob causing you to tremble, partly due to the sick nervousness rushing through your bones, coupled with the chilly air waiting for you in the hallway. It’s almost impossible to tell which is causing your body to shake the most, or if it is a mix of both.

Walking down the hallway, the scenarios continue to run through your mind. ‘They will hate you!’ your mind says, screaming at you with cruel, hurtful words.

‘You are so awkward!’

‘Your friends don’t REALLY like you. They’re just pretending!’

‘No one likes you!’

‘How will you be able to use the bathroom during class? What if everyone hears you? What if you trip while you are walking to the restroom? Can’t you hear the laughing?’

The words of your own mind blur together, acting like a traitor. It’s almost as if your body is split in half, half of you just wants to be a normal person and the other half wants to tear you down. A war rages inside of you, an invisible war no one but you knows about. Your mind tries to destroy itself, screaming insults and obscenities at you.

You eat breakfast in a haze, the food sitting tasteless and grey inside your mouth as you chew it, the only thing you can see is the imaginary classroom floating in front of your eyes. The only sound you can hear is laughter, coming from the non-existent students, echoing and surrounding you with shame, followed by the inescapable desire to hide. Your stomach swirls and folds within itself, threatening to make you retch at any moment.

“Indy? Honey? The bus is here.” Your mom taps you on the shoulder, nudging you towards the door.

“Don’t forget your backpack!” She reminds you, even though you’re in high school, and you don’t need her nagging you about it. Your feet scoot out the door feeling heavy, as if weights are tied to them. The bus doors open and you slowly climb up the steps, cautiously walking past the driver, carefully making sure your backpack doesn’t hit the side of the nearest seat, all while keeping your eyes on the floor.

“Hi, Indy!” Your friend, Marissa, calls from her seat. You rush towards Marissa as fast as you dare, avoiding eye contact with everyone else. You slam down in your seat and wince as you hear your backpack thud onto the ground.

‘What if someone heard that?’

‘Oh look! Everyone’s staring. You disturbed them, and they will NEVER ever forget you slammed your backpack on the ground.’

‘What if they think you’re mad at them?’

‘What if Marissa thinks you’re angry with her and hates you now?’

“Hello.” You say, smiling at her. Your mind screams out more questions, analyzing every move you’ve made since stepping onto the bus.

‘That was a really weak hello!’

‘What if Marissa thinks you’re mad at her?’

‘No one will like you.’

“Guess what!” Marissa states excitedly. She rambles on about a new laptop her parents gave her for her birthday, while you grin and pretend to be excited, all while being nervous about everything else happening in your world.

“I can’t believe they gave me one! I’ve wanted one of these since they first came out!!” She shrieks and pulls her new laptop out of her backpack. You smile again, your best plastic smile ever. The bus jolts to a stop by the high school and your stomach gives a jolt of anguish.

“C’mon, Indy!,” Marissa whispers, grabbing your hand and pulling you towards the door. Kids stand up and brush against you, and you anxiously hold back, letting everyone else go first so you won’t have to cause a scene. You feel nervous about shoving ahead like the other teens are doing, but you also feel a bit worried about where your friend is. Marissa ran ahead and disappeared, leaving you stranded in a crowd. You want to push ahead of the crowd to find her, but the anxiety holds you back.

‘Oh Lord, please help me find Marissa. If I don’t, I won’t know how to get to class.  I’ll be late, and everyone will stare and think, oh, this is a stupid, stupid kid. Oh please, please, please help me find her! Please, please please.....’

You see Marissa ahead in the distance, weaving around what seems like hundreds of kids, as you walk closer to her.

“Sorry! Oops, so sorry! Excuse me! Sorry. Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to….Sorry, sorry, sorry….” You repeat, over and over to everyone you pass. People smile and nod back, but you are rushing by so fast they can’t stare at you for too long.

“Indiana!” Marissa yells, grabbing your arm.

“Come on!” she says, pulling you towards the front entrance of the school. This time she keeps a tight grip on you, making sure you won’t be separated again.

“I can’t believe we’re already in high school!” she chatters, her ramblings droning on in your ear. You aren’t focused on her, though. There are too many people, pushing, clattering, and bumping into you. You start to try and say sorry to every person you accidentally brush, but no one can hear you over the noise.

“Indy? Are you okay?” a voice penetrates your fast-moving thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, of course, I am.” you mumble, then repeat your sentence in a louder voice.

“You’re not talking very much.” Marissa comments, staring into your face.

“School will be so fun this year! You know it will be!” She exclaims.

“The only way to feel happy is to do something that breaks the ice!” She excitedly continues.

“Like what?” you whisper, your face contorting with nervousness. Your insides turn to Jell-O, curious but afraid what she’s talking about.

“Watch carefully,” she instructs, stopping in the middle of the busy hallway.

“But we’ll be late to class! We only have two minutes.” You state in a rigid voice. You stare impatiently at the clock and try to move her towards the classroom, which isn’t very far away.

“Would you rather miss five minutes of class or do something that will help you feel MAGNIFICANT for the rest of the year?” Marissa asks, rummaging through her backpack.

“I don’t know,” you say, confused. She pulls out a BlueTooth speaker and opens her phone, clicking away at it for a moment.

“Oh no, don’t say you’re going to replicate what you did last year.” You glare in her direction, then a slight smile forms on your face as you remember something.

“Of course I am!” She yells, causing half a dozen students to turn their heads and stare for a split second.

“Music on! Now, forget where we are. Pretend this is your house, and you are all alone.”

“But I don’t dance. Not even in my house because dancing is-”

“Well, you are now.” Her happy voice echoes through your mind as the speaker starts blaring your favorite song. Marissa tosses her phone onto her backpack, then starts spinning around and around in the middle of the crowd. The tread of feet stop and all the noise fades out. All you can see is your friend, who now resembles a color wheel as she quickly moves. Her bright clothes haze together into a spinning light. Blurry faces stare, and they slowly form a circle around Marissa. She pounds her feet on the ground, spinning and twirling in time to the music.

“Get in here, Indiana!!” she shrieks happily, reaching through the circle and dragging your unwilling body towards her.

“Dance!” she yells, moving so swiftly it forces you to prance along with her. The students surrounding you clap their hands in time to the beautiful song, the beat of the melody egging you both on. Teachers run towards the scene, eager to put a stop to it, but when they see both of you, they stop and stare. The music volume seems to be rising by the second, and everything is blurry, blurry and happy.

The song is only a few minutes in reality, but while you dance, it seems to go on for hours. Twirling, clapping, whirling and swirling in the foggy hallway, you view everything through a haze. You feel alive, like your awkward self has left and all that remains is someone who is free and confident! You love this new person you have become and you embrace every move. You can’t hear any cruel laughter now, all your mind does is encourage you.  

‘GO! GO! GO!’

‘Show them who you are!’

‘They will love you, Indiana!’ Deep inside of you, you know these phrases of encouragement are cheesy, but in the joyful aura of the music, you forget this. While you are dancing, nothing matters and nothing is too tacky. You feel as free as the birds you dreamed about this morning, like you are floating on the clouds, beautiful and unrestrained.

The wonderful song comes to an end and so does the clapping. Marissa rushes over to her phone and turns it off quickly, then grabs you and her backpack.

“Class!” She whispers one word but with many meanings. She knows if you don’t run, the teachers will know exactly which scholar was responsible for this interruption of education. You know they have already recorded both of your names, but Marissa is always hopeful for the best.

“They already are aware of who caused it….” You mutter in her ear, but she ignores you.

   “What did you think?” her question hangs in the air between both of you for a moment, as you run together towards the class door.

   “I’m not scared anymore.” you mouth the words, more to yourself than to her. Marissa smiles, understanding exactly what you mean even if she couldn’t hear you.

   “You see, Indy, sometimes you’ve got to act like yourself instead of worrying about what THEY think. Because deep down inside, we are all the same.” You enter the classroom, causing Marissa to abruptly cut off her sentence. However, you know precisely what she meant.

   You can sense there will be millions of other times when you are petrified about a situation, or just feel embarrassed for an unknown reason, but now you know the secret. Just be who you are and realize everyone shares the same emotions because we are all people. You don’t need to be stressed out anymore because the courage you reaped from today may just be enough to help you fly higher. Deep down inside, you know they will never be able to destroy your wings.